“How do I cope with a classmate, who was previously a good friend but since he got a new friend, he helps his new friend in bullying me?”

This question has been asked by a 9 year old boy. Let us call him by the name A. He has been a very good friend to a classmate (B) until one day a new student (C) joins the class. To help C adapt to the new environment, the teacher asks B to sit next to C. In due time B and C becomes good friends. This doesn’t disturb A but what hurts him the most is the fact that his friend B joined C in bullying him. He wants to know how he should handle the situation because he wants to preserve his friendship with B.

Answered by: Gabby Bugwadia

First of all, please understand that bullying amongst children is a common happening in schools all over the world. Let this be a consolation to you that you are NOT alone. Teasing or name-calling is most common amongst children of all ages.

Next, in your mind and heart, feel sorry for your friend and the bully. Did you know that those children who have little self-confidence and low self-esteem turn out to be bullies?  Perhaps, this newcomer C is emotionally upset about something or maybe both B & C are not getting enough love and attention from their parents. So it would be nice on your part to show no emotions like anger and jealousy; instead, have pity on them and hold no grudge against either B or C.

It is admirable that you are brave enough to still want to remain friends with B although he has joined hands with C to bully you. Please do accept the fact that you won’t be as close a friend to B as you once were. You see, in life you can find and make better friends- – -friends who can be trusted and are worthy of your loyalty. If the teasing or bullying is not physically harmful, then my sincere advice is to take it lightly and walk away. Believe in your heart and mindfully accept the fact that you are better off without such friends.

At the same time, remain casual and calm with both B & C. Even when they bully you or tease you or call you names, simply smile and show them that you do not care and are not affected by their behavior. This is the finest lesson you can teach your tormentors. The best advice I can give to you, dear child: Do not respond, simply ignore and walk away from the situation. This stance could have a dramatic impact on both B & C.

The best advice for parents: Provide opportunities for your child to reach out and make friends with other kids. Encourage your child to get together with other boys by inviting them over to your home. Build up your child’s level of self-confidence; help him/her to socialize with other kids and find activities of his/her interest like in sports and music.

Comments

  1. Nancy said on November 2nd at 9:35 pm:

    Complete and wonderful advice, a bully will never get satisfaction if he/she knows that it doesn’t bother the person in whom they are teasing.
    Bullies are insecure and wish for others to feel insecure also; if one is self-confident, the bully will find no use in tormenting them.
    An excellent write Miss Gabby, with solid and sound advice!

    Nancy

  2. Gabby said on November 5th at 6:33 pm:

    Hi!
    How kind of you to stop by Nancy.

    Thank You for your words of encouragement and your admirable insights.

    Gabby

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