Stay away from toxic people

Author: Vasco Gaspar

Co-Author: Pratibha Kujur

I believe that some people are more complete than others. The thing that demarcates them from the rest is their level of consciousness. But nobody’s perfect.

As social beings, we all need each other to survive in society. However some beings think that they are self-sufficient and will never require help from others. So they fail to understand the importance of nurturing a good relationship. These people persistently act in some or all of these manipulative ways: pressurize people with constant demands, criticize constantly, spread undermining rumors, make poisonous remarks that gives inferiority complex or feelings of guiltiness, deceive or steal, consciously damage things that can be valuable to others, prevent others to live their life in their own ways, etc…

In short, it seems as if they have taken birth with the sole purpose to “torment” us.

Right now, you might be remembering someone with these characteristics, such as your boss, your neighbor or anyone else from your personal sphere. In general, though these people appear to achieve happiness by turning you down, they are in fact just acting this way due to their conditioning. And  most of the times they do this based on the fears they have, such as fear of being unloved, fear of being ignored or fear of being humiliated, just to name a few . It can even be a case of mental disorders where a person actually needs help.

Yes, behind that “bad boss” who is a control freak, there can be just a fragile person with little awareness that his behavior is ultimately being driven by a terrible fear of being humiliated if “caught” with something beyond his control. All of us, at some point of our lives, have developed similar strategies to attract the attention of other people so as not to stay isolated “in the jungle”.  The problem arises when these fears start to dominate a person, and with his/her “toxic behaviors”, he/she begins to infect others around him/her.

Have you ever felt annoyed towards an annoying person, angry towards an angry person or afraid of a person that was frightening you? This is normal because the process of evolution has wired our brains with the ability to feel what other people can feel.  Because of this capability, we must be very careful from those around us since their behavior has a direct impact on our health and well-being. Emotions are contagious.

So what do you think can we do about such a type of person? Should we try to change him/her? I strongly believe not. There is only one person whom we can change: ourselves. Then should we turn into a “punching bag” for the other to vent his/her anger, pessimism, constant need to complain, etc..?”  Of course not.

One option that we always have is the choice of selecting our relationships, so as not to “feed in” poisonous behaviors. To be able to make better choices, change yourself by increasing your level awareness. Focus on people whom you really like, the ones who make you feel happy or in peace when you are near them. Those persons with whom you can be your true self, spontaneous and who make you laugh. And what about those people whom your heart doesn’t feel so much empathy? Are they really a “hopeless case”, or can you look at them with a “fresh” pair of eyes?

An increased level of awareness will open up your mind; it will help you see more options to choose. It has been said by a very well known author that “with better awareness you can make better choices, and with better choices you can get to better results”… So in order to feel more complete, healthier and happier, simply increase your awareness!

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  2. Guda Neilson said on October 4th at 8:54 pm:

    Great post. Some good points you highlight in there.

  3. Eric said on October 12th at 2:47 pm:

    I agree totally. I manage to focus on my life, because of awareness of the people around me and my environment. Being selective with everything helps focusing in life; selective with relationships, time, food, actually all aspects of life. And dont let things or people suck the life energy out of ya..

  4. Judith Wensink said on November 9th at 2:52 pm:

    Thanks for this note. I try to choose those around me who have a positive attitude. But sometime’s you have to work with a toxid mind. and sometime that toxid mind is someone you even care about. I find that difficult matters. Because afther all, they are also just trouble minds, and people with a lot of hurt.
    In my work as a consultant I even meet whole systems were this kind of behavour is accepted as normal. With special programms I try to let them reflect on there own behaviour. Sometime with a lot of succes, sometime with no succes at all.

    keep me posted with your positive notes.


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